5 Ways Society Gaslights High-Functioning Women with ADHD
Women with ADHD normally don’t get a diagnosis until well into adulthood. Constantly, we are told: “Well, you did good in school,” “You seem to be handling things fine,” or “It’s just a little ADHD, no big deal.”
The women carrying these struggles do so in silence most of the time. They internalize the belief that if they just do more, if they just try harder, then they won’t feel so exhausted. But the truth is, they are working in a system that was built to break them.
Society says that ADHD simply means you struggle to focus. But high-functioning women with ADHD can focus just fine the catch is, it’s only on the things their brains deem important. They are able to lock in and do the work, hyperfocusing on a report for hours or planning a passion project for weeks.
What they don’t talk about is the flip side. They don’t talk about the way focus evaporates when someone is speaking about something they dislike, or how they have to strain just to avoid listening to three separate conversations at once. They don’t talk about how they might seem distant or spacey, when internally, they are running a million scenarios through their head. The focus is gone, but it remains invisible because it’s hidden behind a wall of accomplishments.
Society has people convinced that ADHD is not a big deal that it’s just a small quirk that doesn’t change the trajectory of your life. We know that when women experience anxiety or depression, they seek treatment. But what society doesn’t tell you is that this anxiety and depression are often symptoms of the underlying ADHD. It’s the direct result of trying to navigate a neurotypical world, over-extending, and over-performing to the point of a breakdown only to wake up and repeat the cycle all over again.
Society says that women with ADHD are exactly the same as men and if they don’t “fail” the assessments, then maybe they are just looking for something to blame.
The truth is, standard screening measures for ADHD were created for men, by men. Because of that, they completely fail to address the unique ways these traits manifest in women. Traditional symptoms like impulsive decision-making, interrupting, being loud, or taking up too much space look different on us. Society doesn’t tolerate a “loud” girl, so we learn to mask those behaviors early on. We internalize the hyperactivity, turning it into quiet, exhausting perfectionism just to fit the mold.
Society will tell you that having ADHD and being a woman means you.
Society